God/True Self Dialog
(I wrote this dialogue and shared
it with a group of men at Saints Simon and Jude Parish. Kevin
Barr)
God/True Self
I come tonight as Yahweh, Being, Abba, Jesus, Spirit – the
Trinitarian flow of love divinely connecting you to your True Self – inviting you,
calling you, just gazing at you with My Love. You are my Beloved Sons! You are
all Holy men – not because of anything that you have done or failed to do but
because all of you have my life, my spirit, my heart, my energy, my very essence
intimately flowing through you, with you and in you.
Man – Wounded - False Self
I come tonight as a man. Deep inside I desire intimacy with God, myself and others. Yet I don’t look at myself as holy, beloved
or even good. I feel disconnected,
isolated, weighed down by so many fears, anxieties, and expectations. My mind is always racing, comparing, judging,
scapegoating myself and others. I often
feel as if I am on an isolated treadmill walking around the edges of life.
God/True Self
That desire, that yearning for intimacy deep within you is
my spirit groaning within you. You were
made for intimacy and love. Slow down, be
still. Recognize this yearning. Feel this groaning in your body. It is like birth pangs – you need to be
reborn, a new you, your true self emerging, a reconnection to your divine
DNA.
Bring your fears and worries, fears, false expectations to
me – SURRENDER them to me – Let me in – Don’t relive or regret the past! Don’t
fear the future! Be with me NOW! The NOW is my most precious gift to you –
Celebrate life, not your life situation! Celebrate life now with me! Everything
belongs! You were not made to stand as a
spectator along the edges of life. You
are called to participate, to dance with me, inside the circle of life! Just
turn your face to me now and let me gaze at you. That is all I ever want to do. You are my beloved Son!
Man – Wounded - False Self
I don’t deserve your love Lord. Turn away from me, don’t look at me. I have
so many excuses for looking away from you. I’m a sinner, a hypocrite. I’m
not ready! I’m different! I don’t need
your help; I can do it myself, can’t I? I’m filled with lust, anger, depression. You’re wasting your time with me. I keep getting it wrong. I desire
certainty, power, control. I want answers. Yet I don’t have answers for myself let alone
my family, the church, the world. I want
so badly to be successful – in business, with my wife and kids, in the
community. How can I “measure up” to
your “holy” standards when I have so many sins?
God/True Self
My beloved son, there is only one real sin – it is the
belief that you are separated from me. All of these other wounds are self-inflicted - ways that your false
self, your ego, has created to make you feel different, special, successful or
a failure. I haven’t called you to be
successful, just faithful – to trust in me, to follow me, to let me love you.
Were my prophets successful by the world’s measurements, was
my Beloved son Jesus successful? Don’t
strive for certainty, control, power, answers. Yearn for relationships, intimacy, vulnerability, transformation. This yearning will allow space in your soul
for me to fill it with a discerning and inquiring spirit helping you to go
deeper toward truth and reality – toward your life, your true self, not your
life situation and your small, false self.
Man – Wounded - False Self
But there is so much anger, deception, disillusionment, and
guilt in me. What can I do with this
grief? I feel numb. I don’t know how to go deeper. I have a hard time getting in touch with my
feelings. What can I do with this pain?
God/True Self
Recognizing the pain, the disconnection, the insanity of
your thought patterns is the first step. Feel your pain – chew on it – like the Eucharist – until it changes you,
transforms you. Otherwise you will
ALWAYS transmit your pain onto yourself or to others.
This transformation often needs tears to flow in and
through the pain. Blessed are those who
Weep! These tears will help cleanse your
eyes allowing you to see differently, to see my love more clearly. Weeping, true mourning, will be like the
waters of Baptism, helping you to start this transformational process, this
cycle of death and new life. For what would you like to weep and mourn about
tonight my Beloved Son?
Man – Wounded - False Self
Abba, Daddy, I come tonight to mourn the lack of intimacy
in my relationships.
I mourn that I have an unhealthy, selfish approach to
life-giving sexuality.
I mourn for the abuse of my body, my mind and my heart
through the addictions that I have created in my mind and body. These addictions keep me from experiencing
your love, mercy and forgiveness in the ordinary and in the present moment.
I mourn for my lack of prayer, my infinite capacity for distractions;
those thought patterns that keep me focused on everything but my True Self.
I mourn for this endless cycle of comparing, analyzing, judging,
and condemning that my false self demands.
I mourn for the church, for our leadership that abuses
power, and for the laity who passively stand along the exterior of the church
allowing others to speak for them, to act for them, to live for them.
I mourn that the good that I want to do, I end up not
doing; and the evil I want to avoid, I enter into. I mourn the stains in my baptismal robes.
God/True Self
Your mourning tonight, my beloved son, has allowed you to
enter into this transformational process – the paschal mystery – the process of
letting go, of dying to your false self, so that new life, your true self can
emerge. You have begun to embrace your
shadow self rather than fighting it or running away from it. Your mourning tonight has opened up cracks
inside of you that will let my love, my grace, my forgiveness, my healing flow
deeply and abundantly.
Man – Wounded - False Self
I know now that the guilt and shame that I often feel is
never from you but from my false self, my ego. I know that you, Abba, lead by compassion not condemnation.
I feel as if a heavy weight has been lifted from me. I am weak but in embracing this weakness, I
am strong! I feel like the Prodigal son
returning home I turn my face now to
you Lord. Look now upon your holy,
beloved Son.
God/True Self
You are both a Beloved Son and a Prodigal Son. Once you turned toward me, and started
walking home, I came running to you! I
am running now to you with my arms outstretched. Let us “kill the fatted calf” and
celebrate! Your holy brother, my beloved
Son is no longer dead but alive; he was lost in his false self, but now has
found his true home, his true self in my love.